Errata from the erotic (I makes da funny!)

Well, first off, after a long and soon to be deleted discussion on how to capture screenshots, I finally got a South Park character modeled after myself as well as one modeled after my wife, the illustrious Dido Doe!



Me


Wife

Huzzah for us!

Some thoughts on Christmas:

I always get pissy this time of year. Part of it is the music--did you know that Bob Seeger, Billy Idol and Jethro Tull all made Christmas songs? Well you do now, thanks to my podunk Montana classic rock station! I fail to see a need for EVER GODDAMNED BAND IN CREATION to make a Christmas album. I mean, there's something wrong when the same guy who taught me that sex and drugs are cool, that I should desperately avoid the holy sacrament of marriage, and that I should rebel against society starts singing about baby Jesus in a manger.
But even more annoying than the overt commercialism of mainstream pop music is the politically correct way that everyone so desperately tries to get into my wallet. Of all the Christmas commercials I was bombarded with this year, only one actually said "Merry Christmas," and that was for a beer commercial--they probably figured their key demographic would be too drunk to give a damn. Happy holidays? What 'holidays?' It's friggin CHRISTMAS!

Yeah, I know, not everyone believes in Jesus. Does that change the fact that its still CHRISTMAS? Is it just a bizarre coincidence that all of the banks and post offices happen to be closed on December 25th for a "winter holiday?" It's the name of the freakin holiday, and pretending it isn't so you don't offend some whiner just doesn't make sense.

And it isn't like the other winter holidays are anything to write home about. Let's review them briefly:

Channukah:
Channukah is the Jewish celebration of a miracle that happened about 2500 years ago. But it isn't like its a terribly important holiday; the event they're celebrating is only documented in Maccabees, a book they didn't consider important enough to put in their scriptures. And Purim, a celebration whose events ARE written about in the Jewish scriptures (its in the book of Esther, by the way), is so obscure that if you ask a Jew if he celebrates it, he'll respond "what the hell is purim?" In fact, I would go so far as to theorize that Channukah only became as big of a holiday as it is because of the attention Christmas was getting. Channukah is a protest holiday, and that don't jike with the Doester.

Ramadan:
Ramadan is the Islamic winter holiday. But instead of giving presents and spreading good will, they fast and pray for a month. Is it any small wonder that theirs is the fastest growing religion in the world?

Ramadan is actually a pretty decent holiday to celebrate tho--unless you're a business owner. You don't want people praying and fasting, you want them shopping. Since Muslims aren't going to be buying "holiday presents" anyhow, why bother being inclusive of them?

Kwanza:
Kwanza is the biggest freaking joke of a holiday out there. Christmas goes back about 2000 years. Channukah goes back 2500 years, Ramadan maybe 1500 years, and Passover over 3000 years. Kwanza, on the other hand, has a solid 39 years of strong, African-American history behind it!

People, get your heads out of your asses. You can't just make up a holiday because you don't like the other options! Anyone who panders to these guys is automatically on my shit list.

Saturnalia:
Well, you've got to give the ancient Roman pagans some credit--it was their holiday first. Pretty much everything about Christmas was stolen from the Romans, including the Christmas tree, the date, the lights, even the tradition of giving gifts!

But where the Roman pagans went wrong was dying out. See, the Christians are still around. The Romans aren't. So, its a Christian holiday now. Eat that, Antiochus IV!

Conclusion:
There are lots of different winter holidays, but that doesn't change the fact that December 25th is Christmas. Why be pussies about it? Why get all whiney and sue cities for hanging Christmas lights and putting up Christmas trees? Those things aren't even Christian!

This'd be alot better world if all the whiney-ass minorities got over themselves. Fuck you, mister Shlomo Mowanda Mohammed Bitchenstein! This is MY dojo (doejo?)! I just ate some CHRISTMAS candy, and in a few days I'm gonna rip open some CHRISTMAS presents! And maybe if I get my wife tipsy enough, I'll get me some CHRISTMAS sex!

Where's your messiah now?!