Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate Review: What’s in a Name?

Capcom is the king of game naming.  Just looking at the Street Fighter II games, we got such gems as:

• Street Fighter II
• Super Street Fighter II
• Street Fighter II Turbo
• Street Fighter II: Championship Edition, and my personal favorite,
• Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix

    This naming convention is continued with the Monster Hunter series:

• Monster Hunter
• Monster Hunter G (screw numbers, letters are how Capcom rolls!)
• Monster Hunter Duo (screw letters, Latin is how Capcom rolls now!)
• Monster Hunter Portable (Freedom in America)
• Monster Hunter Portable/ Freedom 2 (ok, numbers are now retro-chic)
• Monster Hunter Unite
• Monster Hunter Tri (Latin is back like disco)
• Monster Hunter Portable 3rd (ordinal numbers are all the rage)
• Monster Hunter Portable 3rd HD (the only "portable" game for a non-handheld system), and now,
• Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate

Confused about what you’re getting?  Understandable!

                The Monster Hunter series is built around “generations,” much like the Street Fighter series or the Final Fantasy games (FFX and FFX-2, FFIV and FFIV: The After Years, FFXIII and—eh, you get the idea).  There are similarities between all games in the series, but the story, the setting, some weapons, and most of the monsters are unique within each generation.  The current generation is the third.  It includes Tri, Portable 3^rd/ HD, and now, 3 Ultimate.  What this means is that 3 Ultimate shares a lot with its predecessors in the 3^rd generation of Monster Hunter games.  How much of the game is new?  Is it worth buying if you already have a previous game in the 3^rd generation?  All will be answered in time.

                Before comparing/ contrasting 3 Ultimate with older games in the generation, I should probably explain the game to a Monster Hunter neophyte.  In Monster Hunter games, there are two venues of gameplay: offline (story mode), and online.  In offline, you will be prompted to perform a series of quests (usually involving killing a large monster), culminating in a boss monster fight (called an “elder dragon”).  This will save the day, and you’ll be rewarded with a pretty cutscene.  And then the game will continue to offer you quests and chances to upgrade your equipment for as long as you want.  It is not unlike a story-driven MMO: you’ve killed the Lich King, you’ve beaten the game, but before you finish your armor set, you need one more piece.  Just one more raid.  Monster fights tend to be long and difficult, lasting anywhere from 15 minutes to 50 minutes.  Each monster has a pattern to his attacks, which gives battles a certain Dark Souls quality—just charge in swinging and you can expect a swift death, but spend the time learning a monster, and you might just pull it off.  The 3^rd generation games have added underwater combat (absent in Portable 3^rd/ HD because the PSP was unable to handle underwater controls with one analog stick).  These take some getting used to, but adds a new level of depth to an otherwise played out gameplay schema of dodging, blocking, attacking, and running for your life.

                Online mode is similar to offline (take quests, kill monsters, make equipment), but with a few differences.  First, the monsters are harder (Capcom does expect you to fight the monsters with three friends, after all).  Second, you have access to higher tiers of monsters than in offline.  With few exceptions, these high level monsters are the same as normal, just harder.  The benefit to these fights is that the monsters drop special parts, used to craft high level equipment not available offline.  Third, there is no story online.  Zilch.  Nada.  It is sandbox play in its rawest form.  If you love the game for the story, online is not for you.  If you love the game because you want to fight monsters and make the best equipment, online is where it’s at.

                On the subject of online, there is a baffling difference between the 3DS and the Wii U versions of 3 Ultimate: Only the Wii U can actually go online.  The 3DS can do local multiplayer with other 3DSs and Wii Us, but only the Wii U can access the series of tubes that connect gamers worldwide.  Why?  I have no idea.  The 3DS is more than capable of online gaming; Star Fox proves it (and offers voice chat!).  As a sort of bandaid, Capcom offers a free application for the Wii U that lets you connect your 3DS online through a Wii U (think Ad Hoc Party on the PS3).  This requires a hardwired connection between your Wii U and the internet, however, which means you have to buy an additional dongle (the Wii U has no ethernet port).  This begs the question: if you already have a Wii U, why not just get the game for that instead of the 3DS?  The answer: I don’t know.  Unless you have disposable income to buy dongles for your Wii U, and absolutely HAVE to have the game for a portable system, there is no real benefit to the 3DS version.  It is a shame, because as with all online games, the more people available to play with, the better.

                So what is different between each third generation game?  The most obvious difference (if you have the Wii U copy) is high definition (I have not played Portable 3^rd HD because I don’t know Japanese).  This is a benefit and a curse.  It is obvious that Capcom made high definition textures for Tri and keep them around, because some things are quite nice looking (most big monsters, armors, etc).  The extra graphical power of the Wii U (and surprisingly, the 3DS) is used to nice effect for things like real time shadows, self shadowing, and reflective water.  These touches are small, but give the game a nice “pop” over its Wii and PSP predecessors.

It isn’t all pretty though.  It is obvious that some textures are hold overs from the PS2 games, and they look downright ugly (barbecue some meat and enjoy the blockiness).  The Wii U uses proprietary Blu-ray discs, which means they can hold 25 GB of data.  Why Capcom skimped on these older textures is anybody’s guess.  Another less-than-attractive element of the game on more powerful hardware is that there are some low poly count models (mainly landscape—this made sense for the Wii, but surely the Wii U can handle less blocky terrain).  In the end, Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate is still a Wii/ PSP game, just upscaled for the Wii U.  If you come expecting Arkham Asylum quality graphics, you will be disappointed.  If you come expected something nicer than Tri, you are in for a treat.

Another difference is the quantity of monsters and areas.  Monster Hunter Tri was criticized for having a lack of monsters.  Compared to previous generations, there just weren’t many monsters to fight, and when fighting monsters is the entire premise of the game, that is a problem.  The reason Capcom offered was that they focused on quality over quantity with the third generation monsters.  This is true, and it shows in things like improved animations, AI, tightened hitboxes (try Monster Hunter Unite on PSP/ Vita—the difference is huge), and better overall models and textures.  But in the end, excuses don’t get me hooked on the game: monsters do.  Most of the new monsters were added with Portable 3^rd and brought into Ultimate, but there are two unique monsters to Ultimate.  In addition, there are “subspecies” monsters (sorta like palette shifted sprites in a NES game: they’re the same monster, but tougher and a different color) rounding out the roster, and making Ultimate a far deeper and more satisfying experience than Tri or Portable 3^rd.  Aside from arenas (single zone areas where you fight a boss style monster), there is only one new area in Ultimate, and that is taken from Portable 3^rd.  It is unfortunate that Capcom did not devote any resources to creating truly new areas, but still, all of your major biomes are covered: frozen tundra, volcano, tropical island, forest, etc.

Yet another difference is the controls.  If you have the Wii U version of the game, you are given a wide variety of control options: the gamepad, the Wii U Pro Controller, or the Classic Controller Pro from the Wii.  This is especially nice for those of us who played Tri, since we can use the same controls we are used to.  If you have the 3DS version, things get a little trickier because the 3DS only has one thumb stick.  The circle pad pro is supported, which helps, but its bulk makes it difficult to carry your 3DS in a pocket.  Like the PSP Monster Hunter games, the d-pad can be used to control the camera, but the placement of the d-pad on the 3DS makes this less than ideal (PSP Monster Hunter players will recall using “the claw,” where you wrapped your left index finger around the system to control the d-pad while leaving your left thumb free for movement).  Also like the PSP games, you can use the left shoulder button to center the camera behind you.  Two new ways to control the camera include a touch screen d-pad (if you’ve ever used a touch screen d-pad . . . yeah, it’s kinda like that), and a “monster lock on” option.  This option, turned on via the touch screen, does not work like Legend of Zelda “Z Targeting.”  Instead, it changes the left shoulder button from centering the camera behind you to focusing the camera on the monster.  This makes the game playable without the circle pad pro, but is less than ideal.  The game really needs dual stick controls.  Apologies to your bulging pockets.

Finally, both the Wii U and the 3DS make use of the touch screen.  You can move the HUD (map, health and stamina bars, and inventory) entirely off the main screen if you so desire.  I’m not entirely convinced this is desirable though.  In a game where one well-placed hit from a monster can knock off three quarters of your health, you really need to be able to monitor your vitals without looking away from the main screen.  The inventory is accessible via touch controls, but accessing an item is a multi-step process.  Ultimately, it is just faster to access the inventory the old fashioned way.  Other reviews have criticized Capcom for not using the touch screens in a bolder way, but I think this is unfair.  We’ve had touch screen consoles since the DS (and now iOS/ Android gaming), and the DS has shown that some games can be built around the feature wonderfully (the DS Zelda titles come to mind), some can use touch screens but come out flawed (Metroid Prime: Hunters), and some can use touch screens very little and still excel (like the DS Castlevanias, or New Super Mario Bros).  Every Wii U and 3DS game does not need heavy touch screen usage, just like every Wii game did not need motion controls.  3 Ultimate uses the touch screen little, but in this case, less is more.

The story is an area of complete disappointment.  If you are a story driven player and you’ve played Tri, don’t waste your money.  With one exception (I won’t spoil it), this game *is* Monster Hunter Tri (story wise).  It is confusing why Capcom would change the story with Portable 3^rd, but not 3 Ultimate.  Surely the story line is the least cost intensive part of the development of a Monster Hunter game; why not just change the storyline?

How to conclude?  If you’re a fan of the Monster Hunter series who played online and who didn’t pay much attention to the single player of Tri, then this is a great game for you.  If you’ve never played a Monster Hunter game before and want to try one, this is the definitive version.  If you played Tri and want a new story, or if you insist on playing your 3DS without a circle pad pro, then you might want to look elsewhere.  These aren’t the monsters you’re looking for.

8 Bit Dancing

Happiness is making an 8-bit Mario do the rumba.  Seriously, did anyone else do this as a kid?

Da Maestro!

Molto bene! This idea has been bopping around in my head for awhile now, just haven't taken the time to draw and upload it.

Oh, and I know there aren't vines in AC, but I haven't played a game in the series in a year, so my brain went to Ico (which I played a month ago).

Update: ok, if you want to be able to READ the comic, you have to do this: click on the comic, then right click and select "view picture." Sorry for the arcane viewing method, but blogspot is free, and I'm just not willing to pay to put my pictures up on the Internet. If someone has a site that will sub-host me, I'd happily accept and bring you some foot-traffic!

The promised one

Had this idea while sitting through my kid's Christmas pageant. The Christmas story is so much more awesome with Tyrael in it. Why hasn't anyone done this before?!

If you like my art, please feel free to link it, but do be sure to give me credit please.

Game Makers Don't Make Sense

This webpage needs moar comicz!

I've been drawing comics for awhile. Yeah, most aren't very well drawn or executed. But they make me laugh. And then I shove them in a drawer.

But then I realized "hey, Penny Arcade never makes me laugh, and they're rolling in cash!" So I am going to start posting my sucky art for the world to enjoy!

With that, I present my debut (bad, meme-based) comic: Game Makers Don't Make Sense.

Printable Game Guide: The Dark Spire

As promised, here is my first printable game guide, for The Dark Spire. I hope you all find it as useful as I did. If you like it, send your friends my way!

More will come; right now I'm working on a strategy guide for Monster Hunter Tri. As you can imagine, the sheer scope of the game means that it will be a MUCH bigger project. I will probably release the Monster Hunter Tri guide in increments, since you could be waiting months for the final release candidate.

Anyhow, the link for the Dark Spire guide is here. Enjoy!

New Feature: Unofficial Strategy Guides

So basically, unless your game has "Halo," "Grand Theft Auto," or "Mario" in the title, a strategy guide is rarely made. This is a problem for those of us who enjoy less "popular" games like The Dark Spire, Monster Hunter Tri, and the like.

So what's the big deal? I mean, with the intarwebs, you can find just about anything you wanna know. Well, I personally don't like having to jump up and check the computer for help with a game--I want to have something in paper format right in front of me that I can use. Hence, my doejo branded guides.

With this in mind, I've begun making strategy guides for the "neglected" games. The first such strategy guide is for The Dark Spire, a personal favorite of mine. These are completely free for you to use. Print it. Take it to Kinko's and bind it. I don't care. All I ask is that you give credit where credit is due. These are Doejo productions. Please reference me when you use them.

Review: Monster Hunter Tri

The monster hunter series really is terrific. Or its horrible. It totally depends on your tastes, probably more than most any other series of games out there.

Monster Hunter doesn't really fit into a genre, and has no analogue experience against which it can be compared. If forced, I guess I would call it an offline/4 player online MMO/action/adventure/RPG(?)

Premise:

There's no plot. You can't "beat the game," because the game has no true end-point, or story for that matter. Instead, its all based on a premise, which is that you are the village monster hunter. Your sole task is taking on jobs (some involving killing X number of monsters, some involving killing some huge, odious beast, and some involving gathering resources for someone in the village while being beaten on by monsters). The jobs are organized by "ranks;" you must clear certain 1 star missions before you open the next rank of missions, etc.

There's no leveling in the game, but in its place is equipment upgrades--you will quickly reach the end of your ability to take on the next level of monster if you don't get the latest-and-greatest in gear. But you can't just buy it, you have to have the blacksmith craft it from items you collect. This means gathering the skins, scales, and bones of the most deadly monsters you can take down--because after all, if the monster is hard to kill, his hide will surely make a fine breastplate!

Speaking of crafting, the game also has a system for crafting virtually all consumables in the game. In fact, it is so rich that IMO, it puts most MMOs to shame. Need potions? Combine blue mushrooms and herbs. Need mega-potions? Combine potions and honey. Traps, poisons, antidotes, paintballs (for tracking your quarry when they try and run), you name it, you can make it.

Gameplay:

This is where Monster Hunter Tri has to prove its mettle. Previous games have been very enjoyable and addictive (just one more hunt!), but the controls have, er, sucked. Does Tri make things better?

Well, you can play with the nunchuck/wiimote. And, frankly, the game functions very competently with these controls (although I accidentally swung my sword a few times when scratching my nose). But honestly, when you start fighting monsters that can kill you in two hits, you realize that this is a series about perfectly timed, perfectly placed swings. Motion controls just don't work.

The classic controller pro is definately the way to go, and compared to previous games, is amazing. Its like comparing a NES pad to a Dualshock 3--you didn't realize you could play the game without your hands hurting before!

The game also offers several different weapon types you can use. This falls under gameplay because each weapon has its own system of functioning. Sword and shield is fast, and you have the ability to block with the shield. Greatsword does massive damage with each swing, but you move slower and the combos are totally different than sword and shield. Bowgun is a ranged weapon, and has its own unique set of moves and combos. This gives the game enormous depth, as mastery of one weapon means you've only bested a fraction of the game--there are still other weapons to master.

All in all, I can't help but give the gameplay a perfect score. This game is a joy from the moment you start. Just don't even bother with the nunchuck/ wiimote setup--save that for a game where it fits, like RE4.

Score: 10/10

Graphics and Level Design:

The game is pretty. Overall. Kinda.

But, well, it has this kind of graininess that you can't overlook. Its hard to describe. Maybe its because the wii isn't HD. Maybe its because they don't use anisotropic filtering or anti-aliasing. Maybe its because the models and textures are too low res. I can't really place it. But there's just . . . something that takes this otherwise pretty game and adds a certain uglification to it.

Oh, and while I'm complaining, the game uses this tiny font that is damn near impossible to read! I don't know why you would do that on a game system made for SDTVs, but there it is. Maybe there is a setting to change this--if there is, I didn't see it--but its definitely a "con" graphically.

There are other factors that do look really nice. For instance, the "torch" mechanic, which lights up darkened caves, has a nice light source effect. And the water areas, both above and below, look pretty cool.

Another "pro" in the graphics column is the variety in the areas of the game. Dark jungles, scalding volcanos, arctic tundras, and searing deserts are just a few of the places you will do battle. The game uses a broad pallette of colors, which makes me happy--I hate it when games try to look realistic by replacing virtually all colors with grey-tones *cough!* *Gears of War!* *cough!* The real world is colorful, and Monster Hunter Tri captures that beautifully.

So overall, eh, the game gets a 6 visually from me. Games like Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3, and Super Smash Bros Brawl prove to me that the Wii can do better. As far as level design goes, this game is a big ol' 10. Good design, crappy engine.

Graphics score: 6/10
Level design score: 10/10

Audio:

Monster hunter games are kinda like silent movies--there's music, but all talking is done with text. You'd think that at this point they'd realize that a dvd-9 is plenty big enough to fit compressed audio voice-overs, but here we are.

The music and sound effects are . . . eh. They get the job done, but they won't turn your world upside-down.

Score: 6/10

Story:

There is none.

Score: N/A

Replay:

This sorta seems like an unfair category for Monster Hunter Tri. The game doesn't have perfect replay, it really has infinite replay. Lets say you spend the hundreds of hours to get all armor and weapon sets tweaked to perfection, you beat all the missions with all weapon classes, and you fully completed all side quests (like repairing the damaged farm). There's *still* totally free online play! You could, theoretically, play this game every single day until the next game comes out and people stop playing Tri. And even then, you could play single player and explore every nook and cranny in the game world.

I'm giving Tri a 10/10, but know that the score should probably be infinity/10.

Score:10/10

Bottom line:

This game is good. Very good, even. But it isn't for everyone. If you're a graphics-whore (and I'll admit it, I'm one), the visuals are off-putting. The gameplay is great, but demanding and precise. Ultimately, if you love MMOs, but want something more action oriented and without level grinding, Monster Hunter Tri is a perfect fit. But if you want a somewhat more forgiving or more attractive game, you'll want to look elsewhere.

Score: 8/10

Review: Dead Space

Yeah, I know, this has been out forever, but I only just recently have been playing it. So sue me!

Dead Space will go down in history along with Okami and Odin Sphere as one of the most under appreciated games. In fact, the game was rented/resold as often as it was sold new. That's not saying it didn't sell modestly well; in fact, EA claim they sold 1.5 million copies of the game--that should be profitable. But when compared with GTA IV, which sold 6 million copies in its first week of retail, well . . . Dead Space was under appreciated.

Premise:

If Resident Evil 4 and System Shock 2 had a baby, Dead Space would be it.

The comparisons to RE4 are painfully obvious. The game is played from an over-the-shoulder perspective, you have to go into aiming mode to fire, you can melee monsters if/when you run out of ammo . . . yeah. It's very RE4.

The comparisons to SS2 are also pretty obvious. The entire game is real-time, including all menu navigation (except saving the game). You use items in the game world to solve puzzles, check your map, and manage your inventory all in real time, risking monster attacks at every turn. You have certain telekinetic powers (like a stasis/freeze beam and telekinesis). Furthermore, the game takes place on a derelict space ship (sound familiar?), and you are guided from objective to objective by an ally over a radio (conveniently, he's always doing something that keeps him from having to go into the monster infested med labs and engineering levels). Oh, and ammo is very limited. Very. Almost too limited; just like SS2.

These comparisons are not bad. In fact, they're great. SS2 and RE4 were both 10/10 games in my opinion, and combining the best of the two is a great idea. Slap current gen graphics and various well-placed mini games onto that framework, and you have a winner of a game.

Gameplay:

The game plays just like RE4 + SS2. That means "quality." There isn't much here to say that I didn't already say in the premise. Perfect gameplay.

Score: 10/10

Graphics and Level Design:

The game is beautiful, and the developers were brilliant in their use of the technology.

Dead Space is all about the use of shadows. The game is dark--you are on a derelict space ship, after all--and the broad use of shadows turns the game from a run-and-gun into a real survival-horror title. The weapons (most of which are converted mining tools, since the ship was a mining vessel) all project a beam of light when aimed (think the flashlight in Doom 3, but duct-taped to a gun). The result is you spinning around like mad, looking for the danger lurking in the shadows, and jumping when you find it.

The monsters, character outfits, and ship design are all gorgeous. It's hard not to love this game for the eye candy.

Graphics score: 10/10
Level design score: 10/10

Audio:

This is one of the only places where the game falls flat. There isn't enough "moody music" to really scare ya, and when you're fighting monsters, the audio may as well just be someone crumbling up a sheet of aluminum foil behind a bull horn. Its just "noise," and that doesn't work for me.

The audio partially redeems itself when you enter the vacuum outside the ship. Sounds are severely muted, and the sound of your breathing is greatly increased. Technically, there should be /no/ sounds from outside in the vacuum of space, of course, but the muted sounds give the game a better ambiance.

Score: 8/10

Story:

I haven't finished the game yet, so take my score with a grain of salt. But that said, the story seems kinda hackneyed--space ship goes silent, you're on a rescue team, you find the ship crawling with zombies, you discover something-or-other caused everyone to be zombified. Ho-hum.

Score: 7/10

Replay:

Replay for Dead Space is like the replay for RE4--on second (and third and fourth) playthroughs, the goal is to get all collectibles and unlock all unlockables. It has no online mode (that I know of), but there's still alot here to keep you coming back for more.

Score: 8/10

Bottom line:

This game rocks the house. Don't come to the table expecting to be blown away by the story. Instead, expect this to follow your standard zombie-movie formula: get trapped by zombies, kill and/ or escape from zombies, destroy source of zombies. But the game still stands on its own as a great experience because of its gameplay mechanics.

Score: 9/10

Useless merchandise for the day!

Ever been out and about using your iphone and thought "huh, this thing is too small and convenient. I sure wish it weighed more and was less convenient!"

Well behold, the wooden iphone case! Features include:

• No protection against drops (in fact, the case will likely split, as wood is wont to do)!
• 17% increased (improved?!?!) weight!
• Increased dimensions (7% taller, 17% wider, and 46% deeper)!
• Unimportant functions (like the volume buttons and the "silent mode" button) "covered up" for simplicity!
• Best of all, the non-routed top edge gives it an awkward, "cigarette pack" aesthetic that all of your friends are sure to hate!

All this can be yours for the low low price of $28.99. Cheap!

Bioshock 2: Review

If there's one thing the net needs more of, its video game reviews!!

Well, anyhow, I enjoy video games, and I hate getting grifted into buying sucky games, so I figured hey, why not contribute to the collective hive mind of the net and share what I think about games? Speaking of the collective, its somewhat appropriate that my first review is Bioshock 2.

Premise:

Bioshock 2 is about a utopian society, the city of Rapture, which was built deep under the sea and which has failed and collapsed. You play as a survivor in this world trying to escape to the surface and to get away from the insane machinations of the antagonist, Dr. Sofia Lamb.

The world of Rapture was originally created as a lassaiz faire free-market utopia by Andrew Ryan, who is (spoiler alert!) defeated in the first game. In Ryan's wake, Dr. Sofia Lamb, a socialist through and through, takes over the city and attempts to create the perfect citizen out of her daughter, Eleanor Lamb. Your character is her former "Big Daddy," and sort of body guard for children who were in the "Little Sister" program. The kick is, you've been biologically altered to become comatose and die if your "Little Sister" (Eleanor) either wanders too far from you or dies. So all hope of escape rests in your ability to rescue Eleanor from her mother.

Gameplay:

The game plays very similar to the first Bioshock. At its heart, Bioshock 2 is an FPS. This FPS is much deeper than your average "Halo" fare, however, and has qualities that have earned it the moniker of being an "FPS/RPG."

First, you obtain new weapons as you progress through the game. Theoretically, the game can be completed entirely with the use of your starter weapons (the rivet gun and the drill arm), but through some clever game design, you will find that you enjoy your experience best if you "mix and match" as you go. For example, the rivet gun gets "trap rivets" that you can use to bunker a location if you know you are going to be on the defensive, and the machine gun has access to "armor piercing" rounds that are more effective on armored enemies (like machines or other, heavily armored "Big Daddies"). Furthermore, ammunition is limited in this game. It is not as bad as System Shock 2 (for those who remember playing this way back when), but you will want to be "conservative" with your ammo, and you will want to develop proficiency with your entire arsenal, just in case you run out of ammo for your favorite weapon.

Second, like the first Bioshock title, Bioshock 2 has "plasmids" and "tonics." These are ways for your character to alter himself genetically. Plasmids give you active abilities, like the ability to shoot lightning from your fingertips or the ability to grab things telekinetically. Tonics give you passive abilities, like the ability to run faster or carry more health kits and "eve" (eve is the "ammo" for plasmids). You can only equip so many plasmids and tonics at a given time, so there is a TON of customization to be enjoyed here. And if you don't like your loadout, you may go to a gene station at any time and change to a different set.

Third, again like the first Bioshock, Bioshock 2 has the ability to upgrade your weapons. Unlike the first game, however, you cannot purchase ALL of the upgrades--there are not enough upgrade stations. This is a good thing in my opinion, as it allows you to further "customize" your character.

There are a few differences between Bioshock and Bioshock 2 in terms of gameplay. Some are bad, some are good, and some are . . . well, you'll have to decide for yourself.

First, Bioshock 2 eschews the "inventing" mechanic of the first title. Without going into detail, through inventing, you could collect various invention "components," and then use them to make special ammo, plasmids, tonics, etc. I can't really see a good reason for Bioshock 2 to omit something that makes the game more interesting, and that's a shame. Granted, the lack of inventing isn't really earth shattering, but it was a way to "customize" yourself, and I for one miss it.

Second, Bioshock 2 adds the ability to actually walk completely submerged, literally along the bottom of the sea. Its a really cool feature, and is put to good use in several places. It just adds that certain something to the game, an air of "realism" if you will. I mean, I must not be the only person who wondered why, with all of the violence going on inside Rapture, windows NEVER broke. Well in Bioshock 2, they do break (along very scripted lines, of course). In fact, my only gripe about the water areas is that they are too small and linear. I'm walking around the ocean floor, for goodness sake--let me experience at least a little sense of exploration!

Finally, Bioshock 2 changes the "hacking" mechanic. In Bioshock, you "hacked" security cameras, security turrets, etc. by completing a sliding tile game. It was simple, but hey, I liked it. The new system involves a needle bouncing back and forth on a gauge and pressing a button when it is "in the green" zone. The new system has pros and cons. Pro: its real-time, which means if you flub up and security drones are headed your way, you have to try again while being shot at. Con: the mini game is alot less interesting. Do I like the change? I don't know . . . let's just say its a change, ok?

All of this said, the overall gameplay is terrific. I wish they'd made the game a little more RPG like the first title, but the differences aren't big enough to lose sleep over.

Score: 9/10

Graphics and Level design:

The world of Rapture is beautiful. There, I've said it. I was afraid that Bioshock 2 would just be more of the same, but I am pleased to say that it is not. The game features all new "areas" of the city, including an area resembling the French Quarter of New Orleans, an amusement park and wax museum, and a prison. Each area was a joy to explore and experience, and was complete and utter candy to my eyes. Plus, the designers were very clever in the way they "aged" Rapture from the earlier game to the sequel. Run down has become trashed, glitchy has become broken, and leaks have become geysers. The first title was Rapture as it existed shortly after its glory days. Bioshock 2 is Rapture as it exists after years of neglect and disrepair.

Unfortunately, there were some decisions made with the level design that I just don't understand. My biggest complaint: the game is just too linear! Part of the magic of Bioshock was that you weren't just surviving in Rapture, you were "discovering" Rapture. You could go from the very end of the game to an area at the beginning and try and go through "that door" that you skipped over before. In Bioshock 2, however, you cannot "backtrack" through the levels. Once you leave one area for another, you've left it behind forever. Missed a Little Sister or weapon powerup? Too bad.

Graphically, the game is about the best you're going to see on a current gen system. Seriously, this game squeezes every last ounce of power possible from the 360/ps3. As far as pc goes, while it does support DX10, its obvious that the assets were designed with the console versions in mind--the textures are a bit "low" for my taste, the bump maps are low res, and the water effects, although as good as can be expected from systems based on DX9 technology, are decidedly dated. The game devs deserve major props for maxing out what the UE3 engine can do, but honestly, if you aren't going to give pc gamers a little extra lovin' for the price of their gaming rigs, you plain shouldn't release the game on pc.

Graphics Score: 9/10
Level Design Score: 8/10

Audio:

What can I say? The soundtrack of Bioshock 2 is perfect perfection in all of its glorious perfectness. The "old timey" music is a perfect fit for the setting, the orchestral music set the right mood (sometimes pensive, sometimes dark, sometimes heart racing), and the rest of the audio is, well, perfect. The voice acting is great, the number of audio diaries is huge, the sound effects are great . . .

I could gush on and on, but why bother? The sound is perfect. 'Nuff said.

Score: 10/10

Story:

Ok, so the story is a bit of a let down. Actually, it kinda sucks. Bioshock had all sorts of sub-plots and twists and turns. Bioshock 2 is about finding Eleanor Lamb and leaving Rapture. That's how it starts, that's the middle, and that's how it ends.

The side story of "there's something in the sea" is moderately interesting, and entirely optional (which is kinda cool). But there just wasn't enough there to capture me . . .

Anyhow, yeah. The story is the weak spot of this title. Which is a shame, because it was the best part of the first title.

Score: 7/10

Replay:

Bioshock had no online. This was a good thing, if you ask me--if a developer is split between designing an offline experience and an online experience, either one or the other will suffer. With Bioshock, the goal was to make the best single player FPS/RPG hybrid possible. And it showed. But unfortunately, this didn't give the game much in terms of replay. Sure, you could play a second time through on hard, but that was all there was.

With Bioshock 2, the gamer gets a great online experience AND a great offline experience. How? 2K brought in a second developer for the online game. That way the single player game was not compromised, but we still got a multiplayer game.

And how is multiplayer, you may ask? Very enjoyable, as it should be. You get access to a full array of plasmids and weapons, allowing for huge amounts of customization. The game has a "leveling" system, where you gain access to new plasmids, weapons, and other perks the more you play (this also discourages people from "pulling the plug" if they are losing a match). Perhaps best of all, the game has special goals that you gain extra experience for completeing. For example, if you kill a player with the rocket launcher while you are in mid air, you get an extra 150 experience points.

The result is that people experiment, rather than all sticking to one or two "tried and true" techniques (sniper rifle or energy sword in halo 2 anyone?). And people don't drop connection just because they're losing. It's refreshing, its fun, you come out with a truly unique character all of your own design, and it isn't plagued (yet anyhow) by trash talking, llamaing and camping 13 year olds.

Score: 10/10

Conclusion:

Overall, this is a great game. Is it as good as the original? No, but there isn't much that is. If you liked Bioshock, then get ready to shell out another $60, because this is right up your alley.

Overall: 9/10

Decided to bring back the Doejo blog . . .

I'm a nerd. Its true, don't try and deny it to make me feel better about myself. I like orcs, goblins and dragons. 20 sided dice give me the warm fuzzies. I look inside the computer that I built myself entirely from off the shelf components, and I'm proud of how I ran the power cabling under the motherboard to give the system a more streamlined look inside. I like video games, classical music, art, and literature. I've written a thesis. I am, in short, the last guy you would want to chill with and enjoy a beer while watching the game (don't bother quoting stats at me, I'm lucky I understand the basics of the game).

So I'm gonna blog. For awhile I was blogging about my political ideology, and how I feel that neither of the major American political parties truly meets the needs and ideological worldview of Biblical Christianity, but then I decided "eh, that's too divisive. People are gonna get mad about that." So instead I'm gonna blog about crap that no one cares about. Nerd stuffs!

So for my triumphant return to the internet 2.0 (ZOMG HTML.COM?!?), I decided to gripe about the state of Sony's flagship handheld gaming system, the PSP (and its more portable cousin, the PSP Go!).

First, the good. As old as the thing is (5 years for North America, longer for Japan), it still can put out some purty polygons. Its d-pad, although not as good as the DS, is functional (which is more than I can say for the 360's crappy rocker d-pad . . .). It is the only handheld with an analog thumb "stick" (more accurately called a "nub" because it isn't very big), and it works perfectly. It also has a beautiful wide screen. The screen on the current iteration of the system, the PSP-3000, glows like the freakin sun. In fact, the only complaints anyone has been able to level at it is that the screen is so clear, and the response times so fast, that you can actually see interlacing in some games.

The PSP also uses UMD disks (ok, that last "disk" was redundant, but whatever). While they are a draw on battery power, they also allow the handheld to run off very cheaply manufactured optical disks, storing as much as 1.2 gigs of data. When you consider that the largest DS title is 256 MB, you can see how much more the PSP has to work with for textures, models, etc.

Ok, now its gripe time.

1) There is no "official" homebrew platform (like the 360s XNA or the ps3's linux). So, people hacked the firmware of the psp to allow unsigned code to run on the system. The good? Now the psp has homebrew out the wazoo--possibly some of the best console homebrew ever made, in fact. The bad? Well, allowing unsigned code allows piracy. And that's always bad for the platform. But also, the firmware hacking was being done by one man, who quit the scene. Because he quit, homebrew enthusiasts who buy games legitimately are now stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I upgrade to an official firmware to play this game legit? Or do I stay where I am for my homebrew, and download a cracked copy of the game? In the fight against piracy, true homebrew enthusiasts always get screwed, pirates always get their games for free, and the game devs don't get the money they deserve.

2) The PSP just isn't very ergonomic. When playing for extended periods, my hands go to sleep. Surely it isn't impossible to make a handheld that doesn't kill your hands!

3) One analog nub was a great idea . . . back when nintendo made the N64, and games weren't using 2 analog sticks. Guess what? Times have changed, and everyone uses 2 analog sticks now. It just makes sense: one is for moving, the other for aiming. Different schemes have been used to try and compensate for this deficiency, like Katamari using the triangle/square/circle/x buttons as the "second nub," but this just isn't the same.

4) No touch screen is a bad idea. Now before anyone gets all preachy and says "well, they didn't know it would be popular back then!," lets try and remember that the DS wasn't the first thing to ever have a touch screen. Before the DS, smartphones had touch screens. Before smartphones, palm pilots had touch screens. Before palm pilots, the freakin' apple newton had a touch screen. Now I'm not saying that touch screen controls aren't gimmicky sometimes--they're gimmicky most of the time in fact! But for the cost (very little), the potential for innovation is worth the price of admission.

5) My biggest gripe of them all: the PSP Go! The Go was the first "true" ground-up redesign (the slim is exactly the same as the phat, except it's, er, slim). And that design is really slick, actually. The Go is actually portable, has a great screen, great button layout, and even has built in flash memory. The problems are twofold: first, they STILL refused to give it an analog nub (why do you hate us Sony?!), and second, the Go doesn't have a UMD drive. That means that if you have a library of games and want to upgrade, too bad, because you have to buy them all again via digital distribution. Second, they don't even offer the entire PSP library via digital distribution! Want X-Men Legends 2? Too bad! The phat and skinny boys get it, but you don't!

The thing that really pisses me off is that the Go really could have "fixed" the psp. No one has cracked it yet, so there's no piracy on the machine (yet . . .). The form factor is perfect. The screen is great, and the button placement is sharp. And the built in flash is just pure gravy. But no second analog nub and no way to get your existing library onto the thing = epic fail.

My suck Microsoft experience

I'm not a happy microsoft customer right now. Let me tell you my tale of woe, starting from the beginning.

Monday, April 28th:
I'm a huge GTA fan. I rarely preorder games, but I preordered GTA IV 2 months before its original 'ship date' (before it was delayed over and over again). Finally, the big day was just one day away, I was playing GTA: VC via backward compatibility, and I got the 3 RRoD error. Suck.

Well, I called MS and as this was my third RRoD error (that's right, I've had to send my 360 in for repair 3 times now), they overnighted my shipping box to me and asked that I send them my 360, my power brick, and the plug. Well, I thought that was pretty decent. I really wanted to play GTA the next day, but since MS couldn't teleport a 360 to my front door, this was the best they could do.

Tuesday, April 29th:
Here's where things started getting bad. The next day, I wait for the package, but it doesn't arrive. So I check FedEx's website, and I find out that it was 'undeliverable.'

"What? Undeliverable?" I pondered. So I called FedEx to find out why my place of business had somehow stopped taking packages from FedEx. The answer: Microsoft's representative (who was clearly in some call center in India and spoke limited english) had sent it with the wrong address. I was pretty pissed, but reasonable, so I gave FedEx the correct address and called MS. After all, if they sent my empty box to the wrong place, God only knows where they were going to send my repaired unit. The guy apologized (again, I was in India), gave me a new number, and told me he updated the address.

Wednesday, April 30th:
The box arrives at long last! The FedEx guy is cool and sticks around while I package up the 360 so it will go out the same day. Again, it is labeled to be overnighted. "Cool, maybe early next week I'll be up and running." I wrote my reference number on it (per the instructions of the first person I spoke with) and sent it off to be fixed.

Thursday, May 1st:
I forgot my tracking number at home, but I had my MS reference numbers so periodically throughout the day I check on my status via the xbox website. According to the site, the package never arrived, and even odder, another empty box arrived at the office. The website also tells me that once the package arrives, the turn around is 24-48 hours. Not bad.

When I got home, I checked FedEx's website (the package was delivered). "Oh well, maybe the guy in the shipping dock hasn't punched it in yet," I reasoned and decided to give them another day.

Friday, May 2nd:
The website still didn't show my package had arrived, so I was starting to get a little concerned. I decided to call and brave the journey to Calcutta once again (I never spoke to someone in an American call center, by the way--they were all in India). I found that when I told them they sent my first box to the wrong address, Microsoft actually cancelled the first repair order, sent the second box (which I was still puzzling over) and that the reference number I wrote was meaningless--MS tracks repair orders via your FedEx shipping label number.

The guy told me that they would get it sorted out and my xbox would be sent back in 5-7 business days. "Wait a minute," I said in my most pleasant voice (well, maybe not), "the website promises a 24-48 hour turn around, and you got my xbox yesterday. What's this 5-7 day garbage?" The response floored me: "Our website is very out of date, sir." Microsoft, the guys who used internet explorer to try and shut down Netscape, have an out of date website? The guys whose hold message repeatedly urges users to use the website instead of calling have incorrect info on the site?

I asked for a supervisor and got someone with a slightly less thick accent who promised to get it fixed as soon as he could. That was real assuring. /end sarcasm


Saturday, Sunday and Monday, May 3-5:
I played alot of Mario Galaxy and Fire Emblem on my wii.

Tuesday, May 6th:
A miracle has taken place! The MS website now says that my xbox is coming home! My baby boy is comin' home!

Wednesday, May 7th:
Apparently they overnighted it back late in the day, because it didn't get shipped out until the 7th. Oh well, I played more Mario Galaxy (I was now up to 109 stars), looked at my GTA IV box, and made plans for the wife and the baby to get out of dodge while I killed hookers in 24 hours.

Thursday, May 8th:
The big day was here! The xbox had arrived, and I was stoked. I gingerly hooked everything back up, pushed the power button, and . . . nothing. Huh? I looked at the brand new power brick and noticed that the little light wasn't even on. I tried a different outlet. Nothing. I then tried another pc power cord. Nothing.

I was pissed. The REPAIR CENTER sent me a broken power supply. The REPAIR CENTER! Don't they even check this crap?! So I called yet again. This time I didn't waste small talk on the first guy who answered. I demanded a supervisor.

As expected, he apologized profusely. He said I should dispose of the broken PSU and that they would send me a new one in 7-10 business days. That was my breaking point.

"7-10 business days?! But I've already waited over a week and a half! You can't overnight it?" No matter how I tried to convince him of how ridiculous this 'solution' was, the guy on the phone refused to budge. So I used the last card in my deck.

"Fine. Put me through to the next level of escalation."

"There is no next level, sir. I am the highest level you can speak with."

"Bull. You don't have a boss? You own the company?"

"No, I have a boss of course."

"Well then put him on the line."

"I cannot do that."

So I asked for where I send written complaints and I got his name and employee number (for those interested, his name is Francisco, and he's employee #5112044). And then I found out something even more infuriating: Microsoft doesn't have anyplace to write in with customer service complaints. That's right. If Sanjay on the phone can't satisfy you, then MS doesn't care. He gave me the address of their legal department, but I didn't have a legal complaint. I just wanted MS to know that their customer service sucks. I guess they don't want to know.

To end the call, I double checked what I was supposed to do with the broken PSU. Francisco told me it didn't matter, they didn't want it back. Perfect.

I got out my power drill and, after a little bit of trouble finding the screws, took the thing apart. Several things about this PSU surprised me. First of all, the soldering was terrible. Now I'm no genius when it comes to wielding a soldering iron, but this was amateur at best. Huge globs of solder dotted the circuit board. Second of all, there was substantial charring on the inside of the unit (photos to be uploaded later). I'm not enough of an electrician to say for sure, but my guess is that the unit blew out due to a short which probably happened because of the solder globs. This thing could easily have caused a fire.

So where am I now? Well, following instructions found at the Llamma, I turned an old PC psu into an xbox PSU until the new one arrives (as of today, May 10th, it has not). But if I didn't have that, I'd still be waiting, now 10 business days since my first call, for a functional 360.

And right now, all I want is to make noise. Microsoft, your customer service sucks. You've acknowledged the hardware problems with the 360 and extended your warranty. That's great. But until you develop some decent customer service, you're never going to beat your competitors.

This is what Jack Thompson thinks of you

Edit: As it turns out, the comments cited were posted by someone pretending to be Jack Thompson. This bothers me. It is long past time for video games to join with other mainstream media and become a "fully fledged hobby" in Western society. Posts pretending to be anti-video game activists only drive the gaming community further underground and vilify us.

For posterity's sake, the entirety of my post is left here unedited. My comments, save the fourth, all still speak my mind.

Note that all emphasis is my own. Full text is found here:

"Let me reason with you disgraceful game playing maggots, the game industry is taking money and brain washing you young folk. You buy your games making your parents proke [sic] leeching off every peice [sic] of money stalking from them only to fund take 2 interactive and rockstar games. Thiis [sic yet again!] nation is in for a sad day when youths are influenced by video games."

Now, I'll grant that this post could have been by someone pretending to be Mr. Thompson--Gamepolitics.com does not have a system whereby posters are positively identified. However, the post does sound authentic.

As a married, adult gamer, here's a little advice for Mr. Thompson.
1) We're not all kids, and we resent being called kids. Video games are a hobby many adults proudly enjoy, just like model trains, stamp collecting, or golf.
2) When you're being investigated by the state bar for violations of professional ethics, publicly calling your opponents "maggots" does not help your case.
3) Rockstar did not put you in any danger. You did. Your own self-aggrandizement has made you a 'lawyer celebrity.' Rockstar's parody may/may not have been directed at you individually (I doubt it was), but they did not give anyone firearms, directions to your house, or even your name.
4) Get some help. You do not sound mentally well.

Why I think the analyst group DFC Intelligence are morons

In this article (also linked here), the analyst group DFC predicts that the xbox 360 is going to fall to "a fairly distant third" in terms of market share if they do not start picking up steam in Japan. Now it's no big secret that Microsoft has been courting Japan pretty hard with its next gen installment. It's also no big secret that MS has not been doing great there (in fact, they've pretty much fallen flat on their faces). But my big question is this: who gives a hoot if Japan doesn't like the xbox 360?

According to research compiled at www.vgchartz.com, the ps2 as of March 2007 had sold 117 million units worldwide. Sounds about right. Of that 117 million, 25 million were sold in japan, or about 20%. In other words, roughly 80% of their global sales came from everywhere else: the USA, Europe, etc.

Let's say that over the course of its lifespan, the Xbox 360 enjoys only half of the success of the ps2 in America and Europe, and sells nothing in Japan. That's still 47 million units sold--roughly double the sales the original xbox saw. And that's a very conservative estimate on my part; Microsoft has already sold 11 million 360s in spite of its relatively high price point (considering that the ps2 is still very much a competitor in the current market).

So if DFC are wrong and MS doesn't need to focus on Japan to keep up with their competition, then what should they focus on? Two words: The west.

Right now, in the west, MS is killing it. They've sold more consoles in North America and Europe than any of their competitors (including the Wii). Why continue throwing money away in a territory you can't win? By focusing on Europe and America, MS is targeting 80% of Sony's last gen purchasers. It seems dumb at first to write off 20% of your potential market, but I look at it this way: MS may be disadvantaged in Japan because MS is an 'outsider' there, but Sony and Nintendo are disadvantaged in the west because they're Japanese. Microsoft may suck at genres that are popular in Japan (traditional RPGs, dynasty warrior clones), but Nintendo and Sony suck at genres that are popular in the west (sandbox games, sports titles, and FPSs).

So I say, screw Japan. Make the 360 the ultimate English-speaker's console, and you've easily got the top console of your generation.

Why I hate Blu ray and HD-DVD

I'm on a posting streak lately, huh?

Ok, Blu-ray and HD-DVD. They're both pretty decent media formats. Both are capable of outputting in 1080p, with Dolby TrueHD 8.1+ channel audio. Both store a heck of a lot of media. So what's my beef?

Well, first off, neither seems terribly space efficient. Granted, the H.264 codec is pretty solid. But 8.1 channel audio? How the hell many speakers does dolby think the average joe is going to surround himself with? Frankly, I watch most of my movies without my surround sound system even on. Ooh, I can hear rain drops pitter pattering behind me! It's like being in the movie--except I'm not, I'm sitting on my couch eating potato chips!

Don't get me wrong, I dig surround sound. It's a pretty kickin' idea, really. But I had a hard enough time setting up my two surround speakers up behind my couch and at the right positions and distances and all that. Now they expect me to find a home for another 3 speakers? I think Dolby's ultimate goal involves building little rooms made of nothing but speakers and a screen at the front (which is also a speaker) and having 267.1 surround sound.

Beef the second: I just bought a dvd player like 10 years ago! This isn't like high def tvs replacing standard def--I got my money's worth out of my old tv. And it isn't like dvd replacing VHS--there was a huge difference between the two: not only was quality better, but dvds didn't wear out, dvds had chapter skipping, dvds has interactive menus, dvds had extra features, etc.

Now I like high quality video as much as the next guy, but I have no intention of buying a new video player every 10 years. Frankly, I'd just assume save my money and buy more dvds with it.

My third issue: unless you get a movie sourced in 1080p, the video is just going to be upscaled. Most decent dvd players will do that without requiring fancy-pants new discs. So frankly, unless your movie was made in the past 5 or 10 years or so, its probably going to suck as much as it did before.

My final issue with Blu-ray and HD-DVD: there are two friggin formats!!!

I don't really give a flying hoot whether Blu-ray or HD-DVD wins this format war. Frankly, the only people who do either own Toshiba or Sony stock, or are fanbois. I don't care if the next video format to take root involves etching data into cat turds. So long as its universal.

See, I'm not interested in investing hundreds of dollars into equipment that may end up only supporting a discontinued format. This is one of the main reasons I refuse to buy a PS3: it costs so much because it has a blu-ray drive, and I'm not at a point where I'm willing to bet $600 on the future of blu-ray. Its also the single greatest reason I refuse to buy the HD-DVD addon for the 360: I'm not at a point where I'm willing to bet $180 on the future of HD-DVD.

And the kick is, I don't think I'm alone on these concerns. Look at how suq the sales have been for HD-DVD and Blu-ray. Hell, if anything I'm most surprised at the sales HD-DVD has: at least people who got a ps3 for games might be tempted to get blu-ray movies since they have the player anyhow. But otherwise, who wants to be stuck with the 21st century version of the beta max?

So my advice for Sony and the DVD forum is this: give it up already. Pick a format, cut costs, and settle in for the long haul. But this 2 format crap has gotta go.

I love free speech, and I hate that I do

After removing a scene involving testicular torture and blurring other graphic depictions of violence, Rockstar games has successfully gotten the rating of Manhunt 2 reduced to M (Mature).

I'm glad that Rockstar is now allowed to sell their product. In fact, I think it sucks that they weren't able to release their game in its original form. After all, the one thing that defines America is our commitment to freedom of speech (most other countries, even in the West, have some form of censorship).

That being said, I played the original Manhunt for about 10 minutes, and was disgusted. I don't understand how anyone could enjoy this game. The premise is simple: you're being hunted for some reason, and the only way to escape your situation alive is by killing the hunters. No great shakes there; it actually sounds like the basis of every other movie Hollywood has ever made. But the Manhunt difference is that when you kill a hunter, the game gives you a brief scene (5-10 seconds) showing your avatar killing the hunter. And it's graphic! One such kill in the original Manhunt involved placing a plastic bag over the hunters head and holding it tight around his neck while he suffocates, thrashing the entire time.

Why in the hell would anyone want to watch this? I mean, if there were some sort of gameplay mechanic where you were grappling with the hunter and this suffocation happened after an intense, interactive struggle, I guess I'd understand the need for the gratuitous violence. But it serves no gameplay purpose. All it does is show you a guy being murdered. Uh, yay?

I love freedom of speech. I really do. But I really wish I didn't, because I would love to be among those raising a hue and a cry against this glorified snuff film of a game.

What I don't get about video game consoles

All 3 of the next-gen video game consoles on the market today must have cost a small fortune to develop. They all have custom CPUs & GPUs, proprietary controllers, protected disc formats, blabbety blabbety. In fact, the last I heard the 'profit margin' on each PS3 sold was -$200. That's right, the best thing you could do to help Sony's bottom line right now is buy a 360 or a Wii. That's how much this stuff is costing.

So let's say you're Sony, and you've just finished the main components for your video game console. CPU jointly developed with IBM for super computers? Check. Custom GPU developed by NVidia and capable of outputting at 1080p? Check. Brand-spanking new high density optical drive that also plays high definition movies? Check. Now we just need to put ram in the system . . . wait, we're only giving it 256 megs of video ram, and 256 megs of system ram?

Microsoft is just as bad as Sony. They were a little smarter, going with a unified architecture that lets the GPU access more than 256 megs of ram if it needs it (and lets face it, most of your ram is going to be used for textures). But they still put the same suck amount of ram in their system.

So here's my question for the console designers out there: why do you guys spend so much on custom chips, and then cheap out on ram? For goodness sake, it isn't like ram is expensive. You could buy 1 gig of ram retail for $30. Assuming you didn't get any wholesale or bulk discounts on the stuff, would it really kill Sony's bottom line if they lost an extra $30 on each system?

You might be wondering why it matters so much to me. It's simple: All the fancy-pants hardware in the world doesn't amount to a hill of beans if the system doesn't have enough ram to store high res textures. Take the ps3. It easily overpowers the 360 in terms of raw horsepower. Its CPU is the exact same as the CPU in IBM's blade servers and supercomputers. The ps3's GPU runs at a faster clock speed than that of the 360 GPU, and has more pixel and vertex shader pipes (although to be fair, the 360 uses its pipes in a more efficient way by using a unified architecture). The ps3 also uses blu-ray discs, meaning each disc can hold 40 freakin gigs more data than each 360 disc. And yet, when you compare cross platform titles between the two consoles, the 360 versions tend to look a little better.

Why is this? There are theories out there, but my guess is its all about the ram. Sony's GPU could run at double the clock speed of Microsoft's, and it wouldn't matter. If you can't store high res textures, then you can't display them. And without high res textures, all you've got is a ps2 with more polygons and bloom effects.

Oh, and let's not leave the video game wunderkind, the wii, out of this. They're clocking in at an impressive 91 megs of ram (good luck trying to figure out the way its all configured, by the way). 91 megs! All pcs built in the past 15 years have had at least 126 megs of ram. Now I realize the wii doesn't need as much ram since it only outputs in 480p, but seriously, <100 megs is ridiculous. Don't expect any wii games to blow you away any time soon.

If anyone from the console industry would like to explain why you guys prefer investing in big expensive stuff at the expense of RAM, please post here or send me an email. I'm waiting.

So as it turns out, video games don't make you kill people . . .

Mental illnesses do (here and here). Who would have thought?!

It seems like anytime a new media for creating art and entertainment is invented, its going to end civilization. Books make your brain rot, paintings give you sinful thoughts, jazz music has the devil's beat, movies, tv, etc.

The reason the witch hunt on video games bothers me is because it'll only hurt the little guys who actually see the medium as an artistic venue. Guys like the now-defunct Clover Studios, Rockstar, and Epic. If they're all shut down by nuisance lawsuits, all we'll be left with are the big publishers like EA and Ubisoft. And I could definately do with fewer movie tie-ins.